A little intuition from others perception?

Hi! Thank you for sharing your work. I have been writing and performing for a while now as well. And I just want you to know that any suggestions or feedback I give is upon you to take it or leave it. Do what feels best to you. Any way. I like where you are going with this idea. I think it can be fleshed out more. Play with metephors and I think your poems story and performance would go a lot further if you didn't ryhme. It stiffles the flow of the poem. Also, what's the poem about? What story are you telling? So yeah...that's my take. I enjoyed it. If you'd like(assuming you have a face book) you can add me(jula jones) and we can share poems and you can meet other poets(all I do is poetry) :)